Tis the season – that time of year when families supposedly come together to give thanks and enjoy one another’s company. Everywhere I turn, commercials, social media, advertisements and friends are talking about the holidays, but every outlet defines the holidays the same way: as a time only for families.

This time of year, society makes you feel left out if you aren’t spending time with family. But the holidays do not always bring people together – family is a privilege that is not universal.

My holidays have always been nontraditional

Growing up in a single-parent household meant that my mother worked most holidays. So, for me, spending the holidays alone became the norm.

As I grew older, the holidays meant working extra shifts or sitting in the drive-through line at a fast-food restaurant. I call those “Taco Bell Thanksgivings.”

Only recently, though, did I start to feel alone for the holidays.

Lonely during the holidays:How can we reduce feeling lonely during the holidays? Do something for someone else.

Two years ago a friend’s family invited me to spend the holiday at their home. I tagged along. Before long, we all held hands around the table – which was filled with freshly prepped food – and began sharing, one by one, who we are thankful for in the family.

Obviously, I hesitated. I felt so out of place. I did not belong there, and every minute made me feel ashamed of myself and how my holidays are just not the same. 

Family traditions show me what I've been missing

I appreciated my friend for including me in their family tradition, but what no one understands is that sometimes how you are included makes you feel more isolated.

Spending the holidays with another family only creates more loneliness inside of me.

These situations do not change my view on holidays – these family traditions show me what I have been missing.

I don't drink.Don't hold that against me this holiday season.

Family provides you with a sense of belonging, a place or people to call your home, customs and traditions that give you a feeling of security, others against whom to define your identity.

My experience at this family’s holiday gathering was no different. Sitting there, in that room with my friend and their family, I became intimately acquainted with my identity.

I come from a family, but my family hasn’t spent time thinking about how we belong together or what we mean to each other. So, the holidays for me remain just another day around the sun.

Ashley Rutland is majoring in Early Elementary Education with a minor in Public and Professional Writing. As an undergraduate at the University of Louisville, she actively shares life experiences, through writing and social media, to provide comfort and inspiration to those in her community. This column first published in the Louisville Courier-Journal.