Part of me can't believe I'm about to say this, but I like bourbon. I don't know if that means I'm an old man, or just an alcoholic.

Enjoying hard liquor is new for me. I've always been a beer guy. In the past when a friend would say, "Let's get a Scotch or a whiskey," I'd think, "Well, I guess we could pretend like we're in a Tennessee Williams play."

But now I like bourbon. "Like" is how far you can go with your enthusiasm for any alcohol. If you're passionate you sound like you have a problem. If I said, "I love bourbon," I might as well be announcing, "I need help."

I guess that's why people use the term "aficionado." When someone says, "I'm a bourbon aficionado," it probably means they drink too much bourbon.

My wife and I will occasionally have a bourbon … every night. Sharing a small glass of bourbon together gives us an opportunity to reconnect as a couple, and try to forget we have children.

When I recently did some shows in Louisville, I stayed in a hotel that had a store in the lobby that primarily sold bourbon. The store also sold glassware and bourbon-related paraphernalia, but the reason there were groups of smiling 60-year-old men walking around was probably the bourbon.

I decided to surprise my wife by buying a couple of bottles of bourbon. Don't tell me I'm not romantic! After the cashier wrapped up the last bottle in bubble wrap like it was some precious historical artifact, she casually mentioned, "I don't know if this is big deal, but this bottle of bourbon costs $1,100. Does that matter?"

I thought, "Well, not if it includes the factory."

Does it matter? Only if my children expect to go to college.

It should've been an easy answer. Nobody needs an $1,100 bottle of bourbon.

I didn't buy that bottle of bourbon, but part of me felt like I deserved it. Parenting is that hard.

I guess I wanted that bottle of bourbon for my wife … and me.  And for our children. I mean, because of our children.

I'm a bourbon aficionado.

       
For more info:

• jimgaffigan.com | "Barely Alive" tour dates

Story produced by Lucie Kirk. Editor: Chad Cardin. 

     
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